Friday Night - Girls Night Out

Friday nights are pretty special around these parts. It means dinner out with my two favorite girls. Rara and Nana are always apt to remind me of our Friday night tradition usually soon after waking up and confirming which day of the week it is. Chiloso is the destination spot and it is rare for us not to see someone we know. One week it was one of my fellow teachers wearing a baseball cap and dressed down. Smart girl knows how to travel incognito. She didn't get to enjoy anonymity though with my two darlings screaming her name out across the restaurant. The Friday school let out for winter break we saw a friend's husband grabbing a snack for himself. In retrospect I didn't see him carrying out anything for the wife or kids. *shrug* We all have our guilty pleasure. Mine is dinner out with my girls on Friday night. It's a way for us to unwind after a long week of school. There is usually a line you have to wait in to order your food and the girls are quite the source of entertainment. They usually are singing some new song, performing some new dance, or just down right irritating the snot out of the other one. I have to admit it is irritating for me at times to remind them we are in a restaurant and not some outdoor free-for-all. I used to think that people were sort of looking at me with raised eyebrows (sometimes the headscarf attracts some attention) but I am pretty sure now it's my performing children. After moving through the line and getting our order personalized to each of our tastes, I have to juggle payment and trays. I feel an immense satisfaction that the three of us can eat for under $15.00 (that includes drinks). I know it seems just crazy since drinks will sometimes set you back over $2.00 a piece these days. Once we have filled our drinks and acquired all the needed utensils and napkins, we settle down in a cozy corner and enjoy an evening of good food, company, and conversation. Who couldn't love the smiles that Friday nights at Chiloso creates!

South Padre 1 - Family Pictures

So Urip and I decided we would spend the morning of our second day trying to get some good family pictures. Two hours later after much crying, fit throwing, laughter, tickling, funny faces (mostly from me) we had a look at all our hard work.

Urip couldn't quite figure out how to get the remote to work.

Wait maybe the remote wasn't working as well as we thought.

Oh no the remote again. LOVE Noora's expression in this picture.

Uhmmm still NO!

Funny thing is the first picture we took was one of my favorites!

********************

NOORA!

HANA!

I loved taking these pics with the girls!

I really love how this picture is not centered!

Precious!

AWWW My Man! LUV HIM!

Noora took her turn at the camera and took this amazingly cheesy shot!!!! I think it's Fabulous!

......to be continued.

Despair

"Because I remember, I despair. Because I remember, I have the duty to reject despair. I remember the killers, I remember the victims, even as I struggle to invent a thousand and one reasons to hope. "
-Elie Wiesel, in "Hope, Despair, and Memory" his Nobel lecture.

"What we call despair is often only the painful eagerness of unfed hope."
-George Eliot

I contemplated the word despair today because someone my husband knew passed very suddenly. The circumstances surrounding the passing are unknown and the family is not wanting to share at this time the reasons. I however, feel that despair might have been the cause. If this is the case there are so many people who have come into contact through the years that have danced a dangerous dance with despair. I myself at times have felt its chilling company. It was never a guest that I allowed to stay for long, but I know that many do not know how to rid themselves of this oppressive visitor. Hope is such an amazing thing that keeps us fighting in this life even when things seem like they cannot be any more daunting. It is the thing that makes us believe that there is something greater. I think of Elie Wiesel who endured the torment of hell on earth and still clung to hope. Not only did he cling to hope he did so every time he was awakened at night by the nightmares of the reality he endured. I think of so many people today who live beyond torments that I can even fathom. They hold on to the embers of hope and pray that they spark an illumination that leads them out of the darkness that binds their life into the beauty of what life can possess. George Elliot equates despair as the "painful eagerness of unfed hope". That makes me believe that despair is temporal and can be alleviated. When I read the quote I had a vision of a hungry person being satiated by food. If we can feed the hungry with food, surely we can nourish those who have fallen into despair with hope. Just a few things to think about.

Sock Animal Reunion!

So I am in awe of our family sock animal. He happens to be a bear and delights Rara with his presence on a daily basis. He has been through a lot and after a morning of visiting with other of his kind he felt something was missing. After a long chat over a warm cup of coffee, & an amazing rendition of "If I Only Had a Heart" I felt it was important to doctor Bear up with a new felt heart. I was worried that Rara would be a little apprehensive. However, she handed over Bear and reminded me to be gentle. After removing the remnants of his old heart, it took me no time at all to sew on his new one. I did have Rara warm it up and give it special kisses. After the procedure was finished, my little one seemed content with the changes. Now I realize that Bear has probably seen better days. He is old and a bit rough around the edges. This means little to Rara. She is in love with Bear because he a constant in her life. He travels with us everywhere. He is her companion. I can only imagine the secrets she has shared Bear and how many tears he has helped to dry.

Packing

Heading to Mimi's for our yearly Thanksgiving visit. The girls spent a considerable amount of time packing their one backpack I am allowing them to take. (We are absolutely downsizing the amount of stuff we take to my mom's house since she now lives in a home just the right size for my dad and her. it doesn't leave a lot of room for all of our extra stuff.) I actually wrote that to remind myself since I too need to not take everything with me. This visit is about making memories. It's about family. It's about learning to be in the moment and breathe it in. It's not about the stuff. It might be a little about the stuffing though. Ahhh my mind wanders to the great bounty of Thanksgiving day feast. So here are the top ten things I am thankful for at this moment in my life:

10. Pencils that are sharpened with eraser toppers.
9. Diaries with fresh pages to write upon.
8. The eye rolls of my darling daughters as I say something just plain silly.
7. Josh Grobin (If I were a stalker, I would definitely consider him as my stalkee).
6. Rental Cars (love that I don't have to take mine.....wish the one I got didn't smell like stale cigarette smoke).
5. Whip Cream in a can....who thinks of this stuff???!!
4. My amazing family who I love purely for their quirkiness.
3. My two amazing jewels that were gifted to me from up above.
2. My best friend/husband who puts up with my insanely neurotic moments.
1. My faith in God and his amazing attributes all wrapped together in oneness!

So when you are thinking of all the things you are thankful for, I pray it extends past the abundance of food provisions you have been granted and you are reminded of the amazing beauty and bounty afforded to you in this life.

4th Day of Autumn

I actually missed the first day of Autumn. OK actually, I missed day two and three as well. It came to my attention today on the fourth day upon investigating the outside temperature. I was shocked to see the temp outside was just under 80 degrees at 11 AM. It's only shocking because a week ago we reached another 100 degree day bringing our grand total to some obscene number that I wish to forget. So what is it about Autumn that makes me a feel a mixture of relief and reflective sadness? It may very well be the reflection piece of it that hurdles me toward the edge of a slight depression. No matter though because I was determined to enjoy the day. Nana wanted to stay at home and make lunch in the kitchen. I couldn't indulge her in this though because I had this yearning to get outside. So I bribed her with promises of Chick-Fil-A and a cool afternoon of sketching at the park. She and her sister agreed. It was so much fun to just enjoy time with them in a peaceful scenic place. There was a pond, ducks, geese, and even a lone egret. I brought out a beautiful quilt and we spent several hours doing something other than bickering or annoying each other. We spent time breathing in the Autumn air, laughing, chatting, and just having a good time. The thought of leaving that moment left a deep ache in my heart. As I walked back to the car with my girls, I was reminded that the world that I have constructed is waiting for me. There are papers to grade, clothes to wash, and an overwhelming sense of too much to do and such little time. I fill my so much of my life with all the things I have to do or should do. I spend very little time contemplating why I am doing them. I am almost afraid that if I sat still long enough I would realize that my priorities are in the wrong place. Autumn is that season that gives us a sense of relief from the overwhelming heat of the summer but it also reminds us of the cold bitterness that is to come. The girls asked me why I liked fall more than spring. I suppose one of those reasons is that it bears a greater reminder to me than Spring. Fall has a sense of reverence where as Spring tends to be euphoric and full of life. Autumn is that amazing time when things slow down. Autumn is the stuff of poetry. It is the calm before the storm. It is the reflection before slumber. I am glad I had the fourth day of Fall to remind me that I need to slow down and enjoy small moments with my girls. If you didn't get a chance to enjoy your fourth day, try tomorrow you can still enjoy the fifth day :)

Sharing Our "Thoughts, Things, and Time"

This is the way the girls and I are going to give back this year. When they were younger I used to tell them that we share our "Thoughts, Things, and Time" with others. I decided that in this spirit we are going to share letters with each other each day. However, to write letters for that day they have to share 25 cents of their money. By the end of the month we should have a little over 20 dollars to share with a charity that the girls help me to pick. I can't wait to write letters to them and share my heart. I also can't wait to share the love with those in need. I would like over the course of the year to share some of the letters with you. If you have any suggestions of charities please leave a comment. I have some ideas but I would love to find out about other worthy causes.

"I Am A Mom" - Reminder

While visiting my parents, the girls and I made beaded necklace. I asked Hana what she would like me to put on my bracelet and she said why don't you write "I Am A Mom" . I thought it was a great idea. I have a friend that said "it's sad you need a reminder". She's right though. So much of the last 2 1/2 years of my life have been centered around my career as a teacher. I have spent little time cultivating my relationship with my own children. I made a very difficult career move at the end of last year when I was asked to take on a new grade level at a different school, following a program I am very passionate about. I didn't like the feeling of having to leave my comfort zone. I felt a lot of loyalty and true gratefulness to the administration of my previous school for taking a chance on me and hiring me as a teacher. (intermission here...Noora wants to play mastermind) (Game Over) I always give lip service to the saying "everything happens for a reason." I am not sure how much I have truly owned it. This move though has a very special reason. It put me into contact with some amazing individuals that have truly pushed me to ask myself what are my priorities in my life. These are people who live by example. They are people of amazing character and what I see from them are individuals that truly embrace their different roles. For the past few years I have felt so disjointed when it came to my role as a mother and my ambition to be an amazing teacher. I didn't exactly know how to juggle it all. Organization of thoughts and things were jumbled at best and I think my family and my children were the ones that suffered the most. I suppose the good thing is it is not too late to change it. I will continue to look to the examples I have in my life. I am learning how to give 100% at school when I am there and maximize the time when I am not with students to get everything else finished so I don't bring it home with me. This has given me more opportunity to spend time with my family. I will conceed that there are times when I get those thoughts in my mind that I should be doing something with school (planning or such) but I think it is in those moments that I am trying to think of an excuse not to be in the moment with my two blessings. I hope to share more of the journey with those out there that are willing to read on.

State Testing and Wii

So state testing is upon us at school. I come home each night and can't get the thought out of my head. I know it's a serious mental defect on my part but I can't even think about calling my therapist about it because I seriously can't think of anything that doesn't involve pouring over data, testing strategies, and just praying my students all pass. My poor children are the ones that are suffering...ok honestly I don't know how much they are suffering since they have been allowed to go wii crazy. I feel like I have allowed the wii to take over my job as nurturer and caretaker. Although I know it is flawed I am also deeply indebted to the wii. I promise to make a concerted effort after testing is complete to ween the children off of their new found gaming addiction.

Bi-Polar Sibling Love...err hate!

I feel at a loss when it comes to my two girls sisterhood. One minute they are the best friends (usually when Nanna is the director of play) and the next they are battling it out. I never know when to intervene and I often wonder if by trying to help, I am making it worse. Please leave suggestions, insights, or any medication that might stave off the manic swings in my children's play patterns.